I'm Angry And I Hate This

This is going to be much different than my normal blog posts. It’s not going to be a fun or thoughtful article. It’s going to be emotional and ranty. I want to start out by saying that I know that I’m not alone. That others are feeling these same things. This is not a unique experience. But, I hate this.

I hate being stuck inside. I hate that my life is absent routine right now. I hate that my social life consists of Zoom calls and text conversations. I hate that I can’t hang out with my friends or go to the gym. I hate that I can’t meet people for dinner. I hate that I live alone. I hate that I didn’t adopt a dog when I had the chance.

I hate Donald Trump for not taking this seriously earlier. I hate Fox News for downplaying and lying about this. I hate Republicans for not impeaching an obviously inept President. I hate that people think we should let Americans die to save the economy.

I’m angry that I was laid off. I’m angry that I had to put notice on my apartment. I’m angry that I might not have a place to live if I can’t sign a new lease or move because the measures haven’t been lifted.

I’m angry that my mom is still working at her restaurant job and risking her life. I’m angry that she thinks this whole thing is a conspiracy, that it’s Obama’s fault, and that the military has had a cure for months. I’m angry that she feels the need to tell me that’s what she thinks. I’m angry that the people putting that garbage into the world will never be punished.

I’m angry that people aren’t observing the shelter in place orders. I’m angry that people aren’t wearing masks. I’m angry that this will last a lot longer than it needs to because people can’t exercise social responsibility.

I hate that grocery shopping is so difficult now. I hate that I’m scared to go out or to order in. I hate feeling guilty for feeling that way.

I hate that I have to write this. I hate that my sleep schedule is completely fucked. I hate being isolated and I hate that when this is all over, we will have learned nothing. I hate this. I’m angry. And, I want it to all be over.